Why Getting More “Tips” Doesn’t Help

Everyone loves shiny “tips.”

So many of us focus on tactics (e.g. “Do you have any tips to stop eating too much? What about tips for recovering from a binge? Do you have tips for how to stay in control?”) because those shiny “tips” make us feel comfortable.

Yet if we’re honest with ourselves, the internet is FULL of tips. We just don’t use them for one reason or another.

I could throw 50 tactics at you, but if you don’t honestly acknowledge the other reasons why you’re not happy with your relationship with food, all the tips in the world are useless.

Fears Trump Tactics

You know how people ask, “What are your fears?”

I used to think this was referring to a physical reaction of fear, like sweating or adrenaline rushing or butterflies in the stomach. It took some years of maturing and self-development work to realize that I had fears–but not physiological ones. In our modern world, our fears are experienced mentally.

My fears:

o    I was afraid of spending time on the wrong things and regretting it
o    I was afraid of growing up to become a dull adult and losing my playful sparkle
o    I was afraid of saying no and people not liking me

Your fears:

Here are common fears around food:

o    “I’ll never be able to stop if I let myself eat that”
o    “I can’t be around that type of food because I’ll cave in”
o    “If I eat what I want, I’ll lose control and gain 300 pounds”
o    “Trying to ‘be present’ and focusing on enjoying my food doesn’t work…I’ll still eat too much”
o    “I’m never going to be able to change how I am around food”
o    “Food is my enemy”

Do any of these resonate with you?

Do you see how, if I simply gave you 50 tactics for eating, they wouldn’t make a difference when these fears are riding in your mind?

Our fears become a “filter” that can block any efforts from tactics. It’s one of the reasons why you see the same people reading personal finance books…but their finances still remain in shambles.

It’s not just having information that fixes a problem. It’s about acknowledging the psychological reasons that are behind why we haven’t done it.

How to overcome fears & acknowledge invisible scripts

The solution to overcoming these sabotaging fears is to (1) acknowledge your invisible scripts, and (2) systematically test your assumptions.

For example:

Assumption: “I love Recchiuti chocolates, but if I let myself have one, I’ll eat the entire box at once.”

Test: “Ordered a box of my absolute favorites online. When they came, I sat down that evening, lit candles, put on my favorite music, and told myself I was allowed to eat until I was satisfied–and meant it. Since this was an experiment, I felt like it was okay to try it out.”

Results: “I ate 3 pieces immediately and loved them. After the 4th, I noticed it wasn’t quite as amazing as the first 3. By the 5th, I felt a subtle thought that I was good, that was enough for now. I put the rest in the freezer and went on doing other things. It was awesome! Who knew I could do that?”

Assumption: “If I let myself go out to have something special, like an ice cream, I’ll get into the habit of it and won’t be able to stop.”

Test: “I decided to make a weekly ‘date’ night for myself, where I could take myself anywhere and eat what I wanted. This felt like a treat, and made it easier to not binge when I knew this date night was coming up.”

Results: “When the night came, I put on my favorite lipstick, changed into my favorite outfit…and realized what actually felt indulgent was taking myself to a movie. I went, got a small box of Raisinets, ate a few…and then got caught up in the movie. I tossed the rest on the way out. I felt treated and delighted with myself when I left the theater!”

Assumption: “If I have sex with my husband with the lights on, I’ll be uncomfortable about my body and he won’t be as attracted to me…so I’ll feel rejected and fatter than ever.”

Test: “I realized I had no proof that my husband wouldn’t be attracted to my body in the light. One Saturday morning after I dropped off the kids to soccer practice, I sent him a sexy text–something I never do. Within a minute, he sent a sexy one back.  After a few more, I got home as fast as I could to meet him.

Results: “We were excited and hot, and my body fears didn’t even cross my mind. We ended up on the living room floor, laughing and making love for the first time in a month.”

For me, the scariest fear of all is the idea of not taking action in the first place and wasting years in the same pattern, wishing for a better body/relationship/life like millions of other people.

So, to summarize:

o    You don’t need to handle your fears before you start taking action–but you do need to ACKNOWLEDGE your fears and realize they will be behind your behaviors
o    If you believe you just need new tactics, these emails, future books and courses may not be for you
o    That’s because I believe that to find freedom with food, you need to add a deeper level of psychology–both to understanding your desires and needs, understanding the psychology of motivation and learning how your brain works
o    My materials are designed and optimized to guide you to action while getting to the root of the issue

TODAY, I’d like for you to identify your top 3 invisible scripts.

Be honest and consider that you know how to “eat”, but something keeps you from breaking a pattern of eating in a way that you’re not happy with.

To take it up a notch, I invite you to share by commenting below: what are the top 3 invisible scripts keeping you stuck?

I’m on your side,


If you want to learn how to break through your habit of overeating or binge eating, my Binge Eating Breakthrough ebook is for you. You'll learn powerful tools and distinctions to be able to understand and overcome your urges to eat more than you want. You'll also learn step-by-step strategies for managing your cravings and feeling control with food.

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